An Open Invitation....sort of

With hearts...the best thing you can do is invite someone in, make them some tea, and secretly hope they don't break anything.

Another lesson learned.....

Once again I got to learn
a
huge life lesson
This time
I had been avoiding having to deal with
my lack of trust
and
my tendency to make assumptions
which ate away at my heart and soul
and
tugged at my conscience
(yep, I have one)
far too long
making what should have been a fun and beautiful thing
into something stressful
and difficult
(at times)
I found owning up to my mistake(s)
harder to bring up
the
more time that went by
(we've all been there, I'm sure)
I didn't want to disappoint the party involved
or hurt them in any way
and
I knew there was no way around doing exactly that
unfortunately
So
the other day
in my daily quest to do something
totally uncomfortable or scary
I chose to confront
the worst thing that had been plaguing me
Crying a lot, shaking a little
and
feeling like a total idiot
I laid it out there
on the table
What I'd done, why I'd done it
Interestingly enough
once I dealt with the problem
in an adult manner
facing it head on
in my sincere efforts to rectify the
situation I alone had created
and when
I'd laid myself bare
It was
only then
that
I learned yet another huge
life lesson
which is to
never underestimate
the power of forgiveness
and
amazing graciousness
of
the person I probably should have trusted
in the first place

Confession #826

My Confession:

When I went to the Humane Society to pick out a cat,
I brought along a carpet swatch to match the cat to the carpet.
In my own defense....from a vacuuming standpoint, it really made sense.

Seasons of Life

As with all animals, human or otherwise, there are seasons to life. The childbearing years are pretty defined for the most part by fluctuating hormones.

Without going into boring details, I've been undergoing some testing this past couple of years. In varying degrees, I thought I was going into my autumnal season of life, fertility wise. Go ME!

In fact, I've been joking to my gynecologist that my eggs are probably so shriveled up and dry, you can actually hear them scraping down my fallopian tubes mid month....and if you listened hard you would hear a tiny eeeeekkkkkk....and a dusty 'poof' upon their landing.
She always laughs, bless her heart.

Anyway....so in my zeal to be in the latter part of child bearing (it's MY midlife celebration, dammit!)
I've attributed many things to menopause. Being crabby, weight gain, forgetfulness, skin changes...basically, if anything felt a little ''off''...it was due to hormonal fluctuations. Certainly not my fault, you see.

So, imagine my shock and dismay when my doctor discussed with me the results of my recent testing. She informed me there was a numbering system to menopause. It goes from 0 (approximately age 12)...to a full 21 (signaling the end of menopause).
In my head, I was figuring I was about a 17.
Wrong.
I am at 2.
Yes...TWO.
She said (with a smirk, I might add)
''Your eggs are plump, happy and healthy. You would be a great candidate to donate eggs, if you ever wanted to''
What the HELL?
NO! NO! NO!
I'm not sure where to go with this information. My mood swings aren't hormone based?
These new-ish curves are because I'm eating more and exercising less?
I really need time to absorb this.

At this rate, I could be having babies well into my late 50's and early 60's if I wanted.
And no, I don't want. Been there, done that...In my very early 20's, I found out my uterus worked perfectly fine (twice). I'm not going to be doing that again ever, thankyousoverymuch.

As I got dressed and left her office, my doctor handed me a copy of the lab results.I snatched it out of her hand with a glare, as she grinned at me.
I shredded the paper the minute I got home.
Hell no I'm not telling Wes about my newest blood work.
He can keep thinking these wicked mood swings are hormonal.

Smiling Eyes

I got an early
(read 8:15am-UGH)
phone call yesterday
I was groggy from a late night
and
the call was most unexpected
it was a former co-worker
a hygienist
I wasn't sure why she'd called
I wasn't due to have my teeth cleaned
and
it had been many months since I'd heard from her
She wanted to know how I was doing
if I'd found another job
Where I was working
blah blah blah
I told her
I was re-thinking being a hygienist
since the economy is tanking
and dentistry has been horribly affected
I just don't feel like competing
for
the few jobs out there anymore
she was silent
thoughtful
and then she said she needed to let me know
she had a list of patients
who were ''on hold''
refusing to be seen
by the other 5 hygienists
in the office
and
these patients were decidedly most unhappy
that I wasn't in that practice
anymore
She said my patients were waiting to see where I was going
or when I'd be re-hired
before they came back
She also said the other hygienists
had divided up my patients
and then later compared notes
and
most of my former patients
had
gotten up from the dental chairs after their cleaning
and said
''I miss having fun with Tammy''
and at the front desk on the phones
there had been many requests
from people
asking for
''that fun hygienist''
when they couldn't remember my name
~Wow~
This was a huge shot in the arm for me
a real confidence booster
After all this time
my co-workers
my people
my patients
still
remember
me

Shades of Gray

Wouldn't it be great
if
losing the gray in your spirit
was as easy as
taking it out of your hair
?
How simple would it be to
pop into a salon
sit under some foils
with a glass of wine in hand
and a smutty magazine
giggling with your girlfriends
while your
spiritual silvery highlights
are
washed down the drain
where they should have been in
the first place

In Sickness and in Health....

When I don't feel well
I'm like an animal
I go into hiding
and
I deal with it on my own
doors closed
curtains drawn
phones off
I don't want help
I don't want sympathy
and above all
I don't want anyone to see me looking all....sick
I just need to be alone
Then
when the coast is clear
and I'm better
I get to be
my
lovable, fun-loving, acerbic self
again

DEPENDable Me

Have you ever woken up at 3am
having to go to the bathroom
yet
not wanting to leave your comfy, warm nest
?
Having to go so, so badly, you'd gladly
pay a king's ransom
for someone else to do it for you
feeling slightly jealous of babies
and the elderly
(and Oprah--you just KNOW she has someone pee for her)
lying there
cursing that extra glass of water
or
the cup of tea that you thought you needed
And then
After a long while of agonizing over
your urinary predicament
growing worse with every minute
you finally say to yourself
with a sigh
''I guess nobody is going to do this for me''
and
you grudgingly get up and go
feeling pretty miserable and silly
for waiting so long
and afterward
as you pad across the floor
and settle back into bed
feeling oh-so-much better
you kind of wonder why
you didn't just get up
and go to the bathroom
when you needed to
in the first place
?

Just Relax, People

Gay Marriage
is such a hot topic anymore
more political and heated than it should be
in my opinion
Why should I care if two people
who love each other want to get married
?
Is it affecting me or my life
Is it affecting you
?
Nope, not in the least
To me
marriage is a contract
not a religious or spiritual union
unless both parties choose it to be
I didn't really have a burning desire
to get married 28 years ago
(there, I said it out loud)
but in my world
at the tender age of 19
it was THE logical step after dating
plus I loved how it made my parents
(and Him)
very happy
to see me in a white poofy dress
coming down that aisle
Anyway
I cannot wait when we finally come to a sensible
conclusion that equality should be extended to all people
and either
everyone is entitled to the benefits
or
none of us are entitled
(there's a scary thought, eh?)
I suspect about 10 years from now
we will all look at each other and ask
about this entire gay marriage debate
''What took so long?''
''What was the big deal?''
and
''Why were people so frightened?''
and
most of us will feel foolish
for even
hesitating

Heels, et al

Another box arrived yesterday
I heard an exasperated
''You bought MORE shoes?''
from Wes
Now, I'm pretty low maintenance
I think
My style runs more classic
with
jeans , a white button down shirt and loafers
on a daily basis
but I have this trip to Europe coming up
and I need different stuff
besides
I kind of suspect
as much as guys gripe, whine and complain
about overstuffed closets
and shoes that are taking over the house
they'd prefer to see a woman
walking down the street
in a pencil skirt
and stilettos
instead of sweats and sneakers
Am I
right
Guys
?

No Bake Cookies

Melt in microwave (about 5 minutes):

1 pkg Butterscotch Chips

1 pkg Chocolate Chips

Stir in:

1 pkg dry Chow Mein Noodles

1 cup Peanuts

Mix like crazy. Drop by spoonfuls onto greased wax paper.

Or spread into 9x13 pan and cut after hardened.

Keep in cool, dry place

Money for Nothing

I will pretty much tackle anyone
if I think they are wrong
except for the
Internal Revenue Service
So
when I got a notice a couple of weeks ago
from the IRS
saying I owed them some serious funds
due to a bonehead mistake
(mine, but I was actually correct...long story)
I had to choose
whether I wanted to piss off the IRS
(probably forever...they keep notes of this I'm sure)
or take
the ding to my dignity
In writing them a hefty check
I ruefully realized
the last time I got f*#&ed this hard
at least the person was kind enough
to buy me
dinner first
!

Hands

My entire life
I've always had compliments
about my hands
and
it seems
Mother Nature
in her effort to humble a certain dental hygienist
decided to change my hands
into something resembling...middle age
Gone are the lustrous nails
the perfect nail beds
the unblemished skin
enjoyed without effort or thought
It's been something that's really bothered me
because every time I perform a task
there they are
at the end of my arms
showing me how old I am
despite my youthful brain
Sooooo
Instead of fretting about it
I've decided to embrace my hands
and
make friends with the changes I'm seeing
anew every day
I have to remember
my hands
are the hands that have comforted and cuddled
the people I've loved
created beautiful gifts to make people smile
concocted tasty meals
scratched countless animals where it felt the best
Soothed lotion onto dry skin
made a living and promoted healing by wielding
sharp instruments
and syringes
written words upon paper and computer screens
that may have made someone laugh, or think, or cry
caressed lovers
cradled a newborn
made a rude gesture in traffic
hung onto motorcycle handles and tractor wheels
packed dozens of suitcases
plucked flowers in the garden
and
I stop being quite so harsh
when looking a them
because
these hands have given unspoken
courage and support
when
I've reached them out
to others

Artist, Interrupted

Since I live in Oregon
I drive by vast fields of migrant farm workers
the ones who toil in the hot sun
day in and out
little more than slaves, really
As I see them bent over their work
shirts darkened with sweat
faces expressionless
I wonder
which individual standing in that field are the frustrated
DaVinci
Renoir
Cezanne
?
the great artist who was never allowed to
fulfill their dreams
and use their talents
as they live a transient life
for generations
with precious little schooling or free time
as they struggle
to feed themselves and their family
(and mine)
and
I think to myself
what a tragedy and a waste
when the only recognized artists
are the ones who can afford
to be
one

Fork It

We have a fork in the silverware drawer
Its different than the other forks
much lighter weight
the tines spread at a weird angle
that doesn't really feel ''right'' in your mouth
I have no idea how it came to be in our possession
One day
this bastard fork showed up
trying to fit in
straining to be like the other forks
but alas
after a funny discussion
we discovered
that
neither one of us actually likes eating with it
so
it's always placed off to the side
in an attempt to get to the favored forks
and it sits there
alone and lonely
but
I don't have the heart to just
toss this poor fork
since there isn't actually anything wrong
with it
other than 2 fickle owners
so this week
I think I will make a donation
of a single fork
to the local
Goodwill

A Picture Worth 1000 Words

In case you ever wondered
why
I ride a motorcycle
This shot taken last week
pretty much
lays it out there
and says it
all

Situational Ethics

I have never been a perfect person
nor
have I ever met a perfect person
I'm not sure I'd want to aspire to be perfect
by any means
after all
where's the fun in being perfect?
But
I have to question some people's choices
It seems most have situational ethics
because standing true to your ideals and values
isn't a very popular, fun or inexpensive thing to do
For example
I know several men who are patriotic to the point of ridiculous
they puff themselves up when talking about our country
post inflammatory things in their Facebook pages
espouse to know everything about the political agenda
listen to Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh
(don't get me started on THAT)
yet
these are the same guys who
didn't sign up for military service
don't volunteer their time helping this country out
make their purchases at WalMart
(not a lot of American made products there)
drive imported vehicles
and
I'm betting they cheat (or have cheated) on their taxes
All in all
it is
an interesting conundrum
don't you think
?

No kidding! (Oregon-August)

Party Animals

I was awakened by a ghastly thought this lovely Saturday morning
We don't go out anymore
Oh, sure we get to the beach house
we ride our bikes all over
and stop off for lunch
or hang out with friends and family
but
the last time the two of us actually dressed up
and had a night out on the town
was
over a year and a half ago
on my birthday
which I planned
before that
I can't remember how long it had been
since we'd gone out
When did this happen
?
When did it become all right to stay home
every weekend
?
We were never party animals
Having a baby at 20
and being married to a by-the-book cop
kind of keeps a certain person out of the bars
and nightclubs
but
I'd like to point out
I have raised aforementioned babies
(who are now in their mid to late 20's themselves)
and I'm now a fabulous
47
!

There's Something About Mary

I met the most extraordinary little girl the last time I was judging
I called her up for a one on one interview
for the 4-H division
She had made cookies or something
I barely remember
because sitting before me was a teeny imp of a girl
her card said she was 10
but she appeared to be 7
she was so tiny
but what she lacked in size
she made up in a huge spirit
within seconds
she had me totally captivated
I literally could have talked to her for hours
It was almost like talking to someone in their 30's
she wasn't that annoyingly precocious
type of child that I usually loathe
She was just .....Mary
Knowledgeable, self assured, funny and completely precious
in every way
Even if I never see her again
I know this kid will go far
really far
Her website address is below
I'm going to encourage you to visit it often
and help her reach her goal
through
Heifer International
and if you happen to leave a message for her
don't forget to let her know
a certain food judge
thinks she's absolutely
incredible
http://marysmilkmonsters.blogspot.com/

Discouraged

It's very difficult
not to be discouraged
I feel like I am constantly
attempting to keep
the faith that
people will do the right thing, eventually
companies will be honest
justice will be served
and
my government will be aboveboard
What I am finding
however is really
quite
the opposite
lately
I suppose I could sit here and whine on about it
and get bugged and upset
or
I can do something to make it better
because really
*I*
can only control myself and my own actions
And so I ask the question
of myself
and anyone out there
who may be reading this
''What are YOU doing to make the world a little more sparkly?''

Now you know

Behold
The secret to my super powers

Travel Style

In September
I will be spending
a
significant amount of the month
in Europe
Namely I will be in
Spain, Italy and France
with a few side trips
to make life interesting
Everyone has a traveling style
that is different than anyone else
As for my style
I insist on having
hotel, flights and transportation
completely mapped out ahead of time
and after those choices are made
and booked
then I look at what I want to do in each place
I usually book a few stellar things to do
like theater tickets and tours
so
I have sort of a plan
but
I like the rest of the trip to be
spent fairly loose
sleeping late
or
enjoying the lazy discovery
of wandering into a simple vineyard
or
nursing a cup of milky sweet coffee
at an outdoor cafe
That
to me is the beauty of
travel

The Secret

What is it about Americans
in particular
that we feel the need to tell everyone
EVERYTHING
?
Whatever happened to
the phrase
''its none of your business''
?
I know for myself
I am regaled with too much information
about my friends and family
that
I'd really prefer not knowing
and in turn
I absolutely get tired
of having to ferociously guard
the few things
I don't want known world wide
either

Thar Be Monsters!

(Read the following before scrolling down and seeing the picture)

It was a fairy ordinary day
in
a fairly ordinary neighborhood
until I went to bed
We'd noticed Maggie McTavish
the
Naughty Scottie
seemed rather interested in something under our bed
She
in typical Scottie fashion
refused to listen when she was commanded to
GO TO SLEEP
so, I lay there and pretended to snooze
and Wes
oh-so-dutifully went down 2 flights of stairs
to grab a flashlight
As he shined the light under the bed
I suppose he hadn't expected to actually find something
until his light
hit upon 2 glowing eyes
'OHHHH MYYYYY GOOOOODDD''
the poor guy was shocked to discover
a monster under our bed
Amazingly, I was able to not only wake up
in time
but
to race down the hallway into the guest bedroom
clutching a blanket and my cell phone
shoving the door closed so fast
the hinges rattled
I could hear scuffling and a few expletives
and I managed to stick just my lips
out the door and shout out instructions
such as
''can't you just taser it?''
and
''let's call a cop....or something''
(I'm pretty helpful like that)
but
despite all my aid
Wes was able to corner the critter
and put it into one of my clear shoe boxes
(which will NEVER hold shoes again, by the way)
I snapped a few pictures of it
I think I will hold back
the one photo where Wes is naked
grasping a broom and a bucket
with a horrified expression
since I needed a good shot of him
in our
2010 Christmas newsletter
but I'm happy to show you
the
monster under our bed
Oh, and we're pretty sure the naughty Scottie brought
this creature into the house and up 2 flights of stairs
since this
would be the 5th ''baby'' possum she's tried to mother...
~UGH~

25 things

In keeping with the lists going around on the Internet
I decided to post this one.
The premise is that I write down 25 random things about myself.
Here goes...

1. I changed my middle name legally about 8 years ago
2. Unlike most of the population...I have the active gene to taste PROP, a chemical. It's so strong it makes me vomit, in fact.
3. I have no problem with polygamy or polyandry, as long as everyone is an adult and agrees
4. I am actually on the shy side and I have fight it on a daily basis
5, I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want it to hurt or be embarrassing
6. I am uncomfortable around alcohol or out of control people
7. I hate baby talk
8. I am currently learning how to play the harmonica and to juggle
9. I swim like a fish and am most comfortable around water
10. I always wanted to learn to knit, but I don't think I have the patience for it
11. City Slickers, Ever After, UP! and Fried Green Tomatoes are my favorite movies
12. Best childhood memory is probably all of it..I had a great childhood
13. I judge restaurants on how good their blue cheese salad dressing is
14. I have very dark brown eyes, but in the sunlight they have a lot of green in them
15. The word ''underpants'' makes me laugh every time
16. I fall asleep too easily and too often in random places
17. I flunked my first driving test when I was young (nerves)
18. I donate heavily to provide birth control in third world countries
19. I think people should study all religions and spirituality before choosing one (or none)
20. I don't know how to turn on my own TV (6 remotes...ugh!)
21. I have learned more from my failures than from my successes
22. I think it's ok and healthy to have a life separate from your spouse
23. I get frustrated when people think they ''know'' me based on appearance or a couple of chats
24. I don't have inkable fingerprints. They have to use special equipment to read them
25. This blog has over 1,000 readers a day, which freaks me out a little

Emotional Vampires

Have you ever thought about the energy you expend
in worrying about what someone else thinks?
Or being bothered about how someone else behaves?
I started thinking about this today
and
I seem to spend an awful lot of time
on exactly that subject
I'm thinking
in the future
I will work hard on spending that same energy
on uplifting others
working on my own issues
(yep, I have them)
and
trying to stay more positive
One of my most favorite sayings
is
''Never wrestle with pigs...you get dirty and the pig likes it''
and so
I will make a conscious effort to not
be
drawn into negative thinking
from now on
and save my much needed energy
for the things that are more
worthy

Insanity Defense?

One of the definitions of insane
is
doing the same thing over and over again
yet
expecting different results
I've been thinking that one over for a while
and
I have to agree
I guess I need to change a few things around
try to figure out different angles
and
ways of doing something
if I can ever hope
for a different
outcome

The Diner

On my way home from a recent judging
we stopped off in a little diner called ''Tommy's''
There
We were greeted like family
told to sit anywhere we pleased
handed gallons of iced tea
and
had our backs slapped a few times
while the waitress
called me ''hun''
(which I typically loathe)
Watching this lone 40-something waitress
dish up her magic
was nothing short of miraculous
patron after patron
were treated to the same greetings
and
semi-sarcastic jokes
that I knew had been uttered a thousand times before
but yet she managed to
make each person feel special
She let everyone know she had had
a few troubles with her car
but she wasn't whining
about it
as she matter of factly
scooped butter onto toast
fielded menu questions
got the cook something to drink
(without being asked)
commiserated with an elderly woman about
whole milk vs. skim milk
and
flirted shamelessly with a man in his 80's
I have to say
the decor and ambiance wasn't the most inspired
my patty melt and salad
weren't the best things I've ever eaten
but I can assure you
I can't wait to go
back