All Hallow's Eve

It's Halloween.

This is also the pagan holiday called Samhain Lore

Originally the "Feast of the Dead" was celebrated in Celtic countries by leaving food offerings on altars and doorsteps for the "wandering dead". Today a lot of practitioners still carry out that tradition. Single candles were lit and left in a window to help guide the spirits of ancestors and loved ones home. Extra chairs were set to the table and around the hearth for the unseen guest. Apples were buried along roadsides and paths for spirits who were lost or had no descendants to provide for them. Turnips were hollowed out and carved to look like protective spirits, for this was a night of magic and chaos. The Wee Folke became very active, pulling pranks on unsuspecting humans. Traveling after dark was was not advised. People dressed in white (like ghosts), wore disguises made of straw, or dressed as the opposite gender in order to fool the Nature spirits.

Sounding familiar?

I thought so.

Grabbing the brass ring....

I got lost yesterday.

Big shock for all of you who know me. (HA!)

It's true, folks--I'm spatially challenged.

Sadly, I can even get lost in my back yard with a talking GPS system.

However, in my own defense--I have grand adventures in my lostness. I consider some of my lost times very happy mistakes.

Maybe even mistakes that were meant to happen.

Ever think of that viewpoint?

Nope, didnt think so.

Anyway, I wound up at an industrial part of a close by town. I looked up and saw a big ugly, old white building. I would have never paid attention to it, until I saw the cheerful sign that said 'Carousel'.

I had no idea what I was doing as I got out of the car. It felt like I was compelled to walk into the place. Weird, I know. It was to me too.

Inside the building, it looked like Santa's workshop.

There were people of all ages busily working on projects. Big blocks of wood were strewn about the giant cement floor. All were taking shape into horses, elephants, huge cats, a dragon and a host of other beautiful items.

The place smelled like wood, coffee and turpentine.

Some folks were painting, some were sanding, some were carving. One lady was on the phone. Another thoughtfully looking at a computer screen. All were happily engrossed in their own projects. Making an elaborate carousel. They were volunteering their time and effort to create a full sized carousel to be placed in the middle of the town.

I just know every kid will swarm to this, and have these amazing memories as they bring their children...and children's children.....so on.

Who wouldnt want to be part of that?

I'm thinking of volunteering to paint, although carving looks like fun too.

I adore working with wood, but one wrong slip-- and 2 years of work is tossed into the scrap heap.

It wouldnt be good to be fired from a volunteering position, would it?

Unemployment Sucks.

I lost my job in March.

I can't seem to find a new position.

Due to the lagging economy, Dentists are really feeling the pinch.

I've been reading the reports, and the average dentist is down 30-35% production overall.

Add in a lot of hygienists whose husbands lost their jobs (meaning they need to work more hours), the school pumping out 27 new graduates, and there are very few jobs in my area for a hygienist.

At first, I was incredibly sad.

Then I was mad.

Then I was confused.

Then I was depressed.

Then I was happy (summer off-woot!)

And now I'm back to being very, very, very concerned.

I dont need the money.

That isnt it at all......

It's about keeping up my skills and feeling worthwhile, happy and productive as a person.

I'm finding myself drawing away from friends, watching the news constantly and becoming more and more anxious about the state of the economy.

It's funny, my home isnt any cleaner than when I was working.

My list of accomplishments since March is pretty sad.

I havent done anything that cool this summer besides riding my bike and gardening.

I'm not planning any big tropical island trips to scuba dive this year.

Sigh.

At least I'm still getting dressed every single day.

And I havent grown a beard.

Yet.

Pioneer Woman Cookbook

I devour cookbooks like porn.

I have a collection that would defy the imagination, and still I research recipes on the web.

I know, I'm pathetic.

It's fine--I can understand where you would think that.

For the past 2 years, I have been folowing a blog

http://thepioneerwoman.com/

In it, she talks about her transformation from big city dweller to living on a ranch in Oklahoma. This blog went from something tiny, to a full time occupation in 3 years.

She's now put out a cookbook.

I ordered it from Amazon and it arrived yesterday.

Hands down this is the best cookbook I have ever laid my eyes on.

Full of stories, great pictures and even better recipes.

There isnt a recipe in there that I dont want to try.

In the cookbook world, that's shocking.

S.A.D.

Fall has officially fallen in the Pacific Northwest.

Morning are crisp, leaves are changing and there's a decided woodsy smoke to the air from fireplaces.

I love this time of the year. Seeing the pumpkins on porches, ready to be carved. Kids standing at bus stops in the chilly air. Kicking the piles of leaves on their way home from school, backpacks stuffed with homework and bits of paper for their parents to sign.

Fall is also a very difficult time for me.

Its the gateway to Pacific Northwest Winters.

Where I live, there isnt alot of sunlight from October thru June.

It rains on average of 40'' a year. When it isnt raining, its foggy. When it isnt foggy--its overcast and grey.

Gloomy grey.

About 3 years into living here, I found myself steeling myself for Winter. Dreading it. Hating it.

Feeling overwhelmed with sadness and eating enough sugar and carbs to keep up my lagging energy.

Anyone that knows me, knows that I'm not typically one of those people that is a 'downer'.

But...I became a much different person as the oppressive winters set in.

I finally decided to seek help.

I am not one to take medications, but I was wondering aloud to my physician if I needed a strong dose of Prozac. Bless his heart, he actually listened to my grievances. Instead of whipping out his trusty prescription pad, he set me up with the hospital's sleep program.

I met with the Sleep Clinic's director, John. He explained to me that I was almost a classic case of S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). Because sunlight is lacking in my area, certain people are affected with 'jet lag' symptoms. Sleep circadian rhythms are disrupted, then people start eating more to keep up their energy levels, a general feeling of malaise is experienced.

They dont know why only certain people get this, but it has something to do with seratonin levels in the brain. There is a theory that mutation of a gene expressing melanopsin has been implicated.

Are your eyes glazing over yet?

Let me keep it simple then.

Basically, my body wants to go into extreme hibernation. Like a bear.

A big 'ol grizzly bear.

He handed me a light box and told me I needed to use it for about 20 minutes every morning in the winter. Hmmmm, seemed a bit simple to me. After all, NOBODY wants to be compared to a Grizzly Bear. Certainly not a 5'3'' woman smack dab in the middle of Oregon!

Armed with much skeptism, I took the light box home .

I was determined not to believe in this snake oil, but would try it.

I set it up next to my computer and stared for 20 minute every morning as I read my email and surfed the net. By the 5th day, my energy had increased. By day 8, I was sleeping like a baby. By the end of 2 weeks, my house was cleaner than it had ever been, and I was laughing again.

Wow!

Suffice it to say, I bought my own light. Company information is below.

I will never be without this light, as long as I live in this part of the country.

It's like a miracle in a box.

After all, nobody wants to live with a Grizzly Bear.

Even me.

Company information:

http://alaskafullspectrumlighting.com/

Make sure you get 10,000 lux at 30'' minimum.

Otherwise, you're just staring into a lightbulb.

Shopper Style

Have you ever noticed the different styles of grocery shoppers?








There are the 'get whatever is on the list, dont look at the prices grab and go' people. Just step aside and let this one pass. You will actually feel the wind as they blow by. Make no eye contact.

It's safer that way.

The 'Couple' shoppers. Noticeably older than the average shoppers. Male of the couple isnt comfortable pushing the cart, but wants to be a supportive husband now that he's retired. Tosses in extra junk food when wife isnt looking, and asks out loud WHY groceries cost a small fortune compared to when he last shopped (30 years prior). Wife just looks grim and adds a liter bottle of brown liquor to the growing pile on the cart.



Then there are the 'I'm super slow, but by golly I'm getting the best value for my money' shopper. They are attuned to the scales and a calculator for an accurate check out experience. They are awash in their frugalness. They have bulk food and store labels in the cart, and a lot of coupons hanging out of their purses. Dont get behind them in the check out line--or you will be very very sorry.




The elderly/unemployed/ shut in shopper who is just happy to be out and about. They talk constantly and take up both sides of the aisles. This is a social outing for them and they want to make it last as long as possible. Again, avoid being behind them in the check out line. You might not get out alive.




The 'I'm harried and crabby because I have my kids with me and work sucked today' person. This person is driving a cart with a kid perched on her hip, one crying kid in the cart and a cell phone plastered to her ear. Often in heels. Looks beyond exhausted. My advice: Let her in line in front of you. Its a small thing, but may make a huge difference.



There is the 'new dieter, looking at all the labels' shopper. Usually has a weight watcher points calculator and a determined expression. There is a lot of eye rolling and soft gasps when they discover the 'healthy' thing they have been gorging on--isnt.

The 'I am a vegetarian and I'm going to buy organic if it kills me' shopper. Usually these types look pious and pale. Kids in tow are either so unruly even the nice elderly shut in wants to kill them...or spindly, too grown up and shaky. Their appearance depends on if they are able to sneak away from their parents to their best friend's house and eat a ham sandwich on occasion. With Kool-Aid.



But my very favorite shopper of all is the "this is my first time away from home and mom always did all this crap for me' shopper.
They make me laugh when I see them trying to fit a big appetite with a small budget. There is typically alot of Ramen noodles and beer in their cart, with the token lettuce for a salad.
Who are they kidding? We all know they wont be actually eating that lettuce. Its simply there for decoration to be nestled in amongst the beer in the fridge.



So, next time you go to the grocery store...try to determine which one of these shoppers fits your style. Or maybe, start a new trend of your own.

I'll be watching for you...!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

On some of our motorcycle tours this summer, Wes and I have found some amazing places to stop off and have lunch. I really enjoy trying the local, independently owned places. This particular spot caught my eye. According to their ads painted on the roofline, it seems they serve Banana Splits, CornDogs, Milkshakes and Monkey. Well, I've never had monkey before, so when I walked up to the counter--I figured I'd get me a monkey sandwich and an ice cold coke.

I skipped the fries, since I wasnt sure how greasy monkey meat was...and I'm watching my waist.

Anyway.....The lady behind the counter in the apron looked at me as if I had just shoved a baby rabbit through the wood chipper when I asked for a grilled monkey sandwich and a beverage.

She stammered 'Umm...we dont have that here..'

I looked around the room and saw a fairly small monkey (see top picture) just sitting in a huge glassed in room. He was wearing pants and a diaper, which was cool.

At this point, I'm thinking this is like one of those lobster tanks at the seafood restaurant. I pointed to the monkey and said ''I'll take that one and I want it medium rare please''.

She looked at me in horror, with her hand over her mouth.

You could have heard a pin drop in the place.

All patrons had stopped eating and were listening to our exchange.

Obviously THEY werent brave enough to ask for what they wanted!

She was red faced and uncomfortable before I gave a slight chuckle and let her know I was joking.

I swear, I felt the entire place relax.

I finally ordered a hamburger....a plain old fashioned made-with-extra-pickles hamburger.

And furthermore....I'm betting the cow that donated the juicy patty for my burger wasnt wearing diapers.

Vampires

I have 0 negative blood.

What does this mean?

It means I'm only 7% of the population with this type of blood.

My blood can go into and help anyone. Doesnt matter the blood type they have.

However, I can only receive 0 negative blood.

On one hand I feel pretty darn special....and on another, its kind of worrisome to think

they may run out (and they do-quite alot) at the blood bank.

Guess I'll be sticking my arm out for the big jab a bit more often.

I'm going to take THREE cookies in payment though.....two just doesnt seem like good enough payment for a rare blood type.

Does it?

Beauty......

I've been trying to teach myself to play the piano.
When I hear music like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so6ExplQlaY
I get so inspired, I just wish I could download the years of information and relentless practice to my brain and simply sit down at my piano and just...PLAY.

The 50th

This weekend, I travelled back to my hometown in California to attend family friend's 50th anniversary party.

It was a long trip down, and it will be a long trip back. It's humid here. It's expensive. It's uncomfortable at times when I meet someone who hasnt seen me in awhile and they are less than flattering about my crow's feet and 'platinum highlights'.

But you know, I would have crawled here on my lips.

I would have stayed in a sweltering tent.

I would endure 1000 indignities to go to this party.

Why? because it was a CELEBRATION.

A REAL bona fide CELEBRATION of 2 people who fell in love, got married way too young (17 and 20) and overcame huge obstacles in the past 50 years.

In this love story, the wife had a massive stroke about 15 years ago, leaving her a much different woman. Initially handicapped, she still looked like the same person on the outside.

But she wasnt.

This confused a lot of people. They didnt understand, so friends left them alone as the couple tried to develop and nurture a 'new normal'. I understand the tragedy of the situation wasnt the worst part of the ordeal--it was losing their friends.

But, the patience, love and care shown by the husband was seriously one of the sweetest things I've ever encountered.

He never let her down.

He was as true to her in sickness as he was in health. He was there to cheer her on.

To dry her tears.

To kiss away her confusion.

These are not heroes or 'celebrities'.

They are the salt of the earth. They toil away their entire lives not for fame or fortune...but for a warm place to lay their heads and some food in their stomachs.

And for each other.

Always for each other.

As the microphone was passed around today, not one person mentioned how much money this pair had amassed. Not a word about their clean house or their new cars. What was said repeatedly was how much this couple meant to everyone, how terrific their kids were and how much of themselves they gave to the community.

What an excellent testement to a life well lived.

You know, there are very few things worth celebrating right now in this economy. Job losses, foreclosures, domestic violence. Man's inhumanity to man is commonplace.

Strife is a constant. Stress is evident on everyone's faces.

So, for these two--I'm happy to shout --I'm CELEBRATING!

Small Obsessions

I've been making tiny pies in small canning jars and freezing them.

Its been really fun to press pie crust pastry into wide mouth half pint jars and fill the caverns with various fruits (or meats).


I then add a top crusts, flute the edges and screw on the lids.
Pop into the freezer to be put straight into the oven for an hour for an evening treat.
No more facing an entire pie that we get sick of, or shouldnt be eating.

Tonight, I pulled out some tiny apple pies and baked them .
I was VERY glad I set them on a cookie sheet since their juices ran all over (see picture),
but I have to say.......they were perfect.
Absolutely darling.
They were so stinking cute, I wanted to gather them up and drop tiny kisses upon their sweetness. So adorable, they practically belonged on a keychain.

Anyway...I was waiting anxiously to see how my darling husband would like them.

Wes pulled the top crust off of his steaming pie, peered into the soft, sugary, cinnamon apple interior and said ''Now, this is a perfect spot to put some vanilla ice cream''.

I swear I felt my ass get bigger.

Love and Marriage

Our once stable (I thought) marriage tumbled as we sat and stared at each other in silence.

We could no longer ignore the fact that we'd grown apart while we were busily raising 2 children.

Funny how the years take its toll on bodies and minds...and emotions.

Oh sure, we were still good friends.

We work well together in our 'divide and conquer' roles.

The love was there. The respect was still there.

We have been missing the fun, the drive of wanting to be together.
To him, I was demanding , pushing him past his comfort level.
To me, he was the guy that expected me to work all the time and be that 'perfect' person.
When we looked at each other...it was with something akin to 'roommates'.
And so our marriage slid downhill in a big way.

Most long term relationships cannot survive that kind of disconnect.
While I wont go into everything in a public forum, suffice it to say things drew to a head a few weeks ago.

We are fighting this thing called indifference and apathy.
We are trying to find nice things to say to each other, appreciate the little things and figure out why we got married in the first place.

We are finally starting to have fun again....together.
I think we're going to be all right.

I hope so, anyway.

I ride....therefore I am.

I ride a motorcycle.

I love the wind in my face

I love the smell of freshly cut mint fields

I love the sexy look of leather chaps

I love turning my ipod onto high volume and listening to Bon Jovi belt out "Its my life''

I love the temperature changes as I drive by a river.

I love rolling my throttle into a curve.

I love seeing naked lust in guy's eyes-- realizing its not for me--its for the bike.

I love putting on my gear , turning the key and hearing the roar of the pipes.

I love the sheer terror of taking a corner too hot and feeling my foot pedal scrape the pavement.

I love the camaraderie of other bikers, giving the 'signal' as we pass each other.

I love trying to pack 3 days of clothes and toiletries (plus my giant mug) into a small duffle bag.

I love not caring if my hair is a mess (thank heaven for pink ballcaps)

I love riding to the coast on windy roads, smelling the salty air the closer I get to the sea.

I love the look on someone's face when they watch me take off my full faced (black) helmet and see that I'm female.

Yes, I'm a minority...a female who rides her own bike.

I wish more ladies would become braver.

After all what woman doesnt want an 800 pound vibrator between her thighs?

Not a Crisis til I say it is....

I never in a million years thought about it.

"It'' couldn't ever happen to ME.

I'm too stable. Too responsible. Too ....

normal.

I'm talking about a mid-life crisis.

I'm here to tell you, a mid life crisis is as real as puberty.

It's funny, once the kids left....something snapped in me.

Snapped big. Snapped hard. Snapped fast.

My little happy world as I knew it crumpled and folded in on itself.

At the tender age of 45, I started acting very unlike me.

I bought a new shiny red motorcycle. I went to the dermatologist and got microdermbrasion, botox and laser treatments, I went through my closet and pulled out the 'sensible' clothes and replaced them with cleavage baring body hugging wearables. Considered training for a triathlon (I still might).

I even started drinking wine ...alone.

I stopped calling friends and family, I drew a line in the sand and declared myself to be an island...I didnt need anyone.

After all, who did I have to answer to?

Certainly nobody...I was DONE being responsible.

During all of this, those around me stayed fairly silent as I pushed them away.

So, to my friends and family....my apologies.

It's been a long year of self indulgence, growth, and some eye opening moments.

So for now, I'm back in my body.

Exactly where I'm supposed to be.

Crossroads

I'm at a funny place in my life.

I'm too old to be young, and too young to be old.

I have raised my children, bought and sold homes, been at the pinnacle career-wise, married a very long time, done just about everything I ever wanted.

So, now what?

Kids are gone, house is too quiet, marriage is stale, career is boring.....

I've been looking around for new things to do. Things to accomplish that fulfill that creative spirit in me, that hunger and drive to succeed.

I've always been a go getter.

Been called 'Midas' on more than one occasion. In the past, what businesses and projects I touched turned to gold and were successful. I'm wondering if I can do that again.

It's like I'm craving it now.

Weird, I know.

I'm looking around for ideas...will keep you posted if I figure anything out.

...And nothing but the truth....

Everyone lies.

We lie to get out of something, we lie because we're scared.

We lie to be nice. We lie to make a story more interesting.

We lie on our taxes, we lie to police officers about our speeding habits.

When someone asks us how we're doing, we say 'just fine' even when we have the stomach flu.

We even lie to pan handlers when we tell them we dont have any cash.

These 'little' lies really dont hurt anyone, right?

I think they do.

The problem with the first lie, is that it makes a second lie even easier to tell.

And the third. And the fourth...and so on.

People become used to lying.

Used to covering up the truth.

Used to stretching a half truth to becoming a reality.

A half truth is also a half lie.

Lying degrades our integrity.

It hurts people's opinions of us when we're in relationships

Being branded a liar makes people wonder if you're telling the truth in any given situation.

Lying degrades trust.

And trust is irreplaceable.

Dusting off the Keys

I've been hearing from various people about how I should continue writing in this blog.
It's funny, I never expected anyone to actually read this stuff, must less garner a following.

Maybe its time to start the engine, grease the wheels and kick the spiders off the keyboard.

Hang on kids....this could be a bumpy ride.

I'm back.