Silver Tongues..and Snap Peas

Have you ever received an apology that was insincere?

Empty words

which

mean nothing

So

Why do some people

insist on apologizing

and then

continue the same behavior?

I suppose I

will never understand

They are doing the same thing

repeatedly

yet

here we both are

expecting and hoping

for different results

which is

the very

definition of

insanity

You know

I'm all for second chances

and thirds

but then there

comes a cut off point

when

I must declare

that

I'm finished

done

completed

enchantment over

After all

not drawing

a line in the sand

makes me as wrong

as the

person

who wasn't

sorry

in the first place

It's Complimentary My Dear Watson

I admit to being

a

work in progress

I'm finally figuring out how important

Praise for a job well done

and

a sincere compliment

is

In the past

I have always handed out

accolades and compliments in

an

off handed sort of way

I mean

If I spend time with someone

I assume they realize

That the time spent with them

means

I must like them very much

and should be enough

and

I mostly enjoy

what and who they are

Oh sure

I'd say on occasion

''that's a cute outfit''

or

''You handled that situations well''

or even the vague

''Great job''

but

a really sincere compliment

that is believable

has a lot more detail, depth, and body to it

For instance

if I said

"I love how that light blue shirt complements

the color of your sparkly eyes''

it may not seem like much more than

''I like your shirt''

but the recipient

is left with

a much different and better view

of themselves

Maybe they are

even more confident

with the choices they've made

And really

isn't that the entire

POINT

of a

compliment

?

The egg and I

I dislike eggs

intensely

so

There is poetic justice

in the world

when I see

egg pictures like this

and

to see them cringing in fear

as

the fork lowers

makes me

laugh

Grapes of Wrath

My Bento Life

Whilst staring at the sea

I realized

I have always compartmentalized my life

Family goes into the big ,deep, soft area

Friends into the roomy side pockets

Career goes into the drawer

that I wrench open from time to time

Talents and hobbies

are the teeny pull outs at the very top

Health and well being

are in the hidden drawer

inside the entire

box

The difficult thing

is

when all of these drawers

are opened

and

the contents come seeping out

all at once

Trying to shove them all

back inside

is like trying

to close

Pandora's Box

Advisory Committee

If someone asks for my advice on something

I will happily give it to them

However

the lesson I need to learn here

is

not to attach

any emotion to that advice

I should just hand out my thoughts

and then back off

If they choose to listen

then I've done a good turn

but

if they go a different route

I should

shut up

(and saying ''I told you so'' is bad form all the way around)

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

It's 2010

If someone truly

wants to keep in touch

They

will

Grassy Fencelines

I was sitting at the computer yesterday

and a good friend ,

sent me a note

that said

''I want your life!!''

I was completely taken aback

Why would someone I admired

want

MY LIFE?

Good God

In some ways

yes

I do live an enviable life

I've been blessed in many many areas

And I am aware

at times

certain things seem to

come easy

for me

On the other hand

I'm full

of

fears , mistakes

and anxiety

just like anyone else

Believe it or not

I'm very shy inside my skin

(where it counts)

I have to force myself not turn inward

or

feel about 16 years old

And let me tell you

that's a feat unto itself

most of the time

So

I shot my friend a return note

within minutes of hers

in which

I simply stated

''Funny you say that, I've always wanted yours!! ''

Front and Centered

In this Life

Some things are harder to deal with

than others

and

if things are not going well

My husband knows

when to take me

to

the beach house

He realizes being there

watching the waves crash onto the shore

seeing the whales cruise

by

and the seagulls chatter at me

sitting with a cup of tea

on the deck

the wind ruffling my hair

and

blowing through my mind

Being in that exact spot

keeps me more centered

happier and focused

and

if I protest at all

about going there

he will

grab my hand

and

drag me

kicking and screaming

to the sea

Although

to be honest

secretly

I'm pretty grateful

he knows when

I've reached

my

limit

It's Gor-Met

My best friend Reggie doesn't cook.

I'm talking...she cooks

NOTHING

This has always been something we've laughed about over the years

since I cook all the time...and well

I consider cooking an art form

and enjoyable

She sees it as a necessary evil that

must be performed by someone else

Maybe it's an Australian thing--which is where she grew up

I have no idea

Anyway

Reggie was at my house a couple of weeks ago

And since I know she's on Weight Watchers

for dinner

I made a bunch of roasted vegetables

and

A whole tray of BBQ'd mushrooms

She went wild over them

And wanted to learn to make them herself

Good God

Will wonders never cease?

So I wanted to show her the spice combination I used

and

As I opened up my spice cupboards

I heard an intake of breath behind me

a gasp

I turned around

And saw her pale face and round eyes

as she stepped back 3 paces

and

I realized

in that very moment

I lost the budding cook

she was going to be

How sad

I guess I will never understand

why something like

2 full cupboards

of spices could intimidate someone

Because

after all

doesn't EVERYBODY

have

Orange Muscat Champagne Vinegar

on hand

?

Delusions of Grandeur

This picture just made me laugh.

About Me

10 Things I love:

1. My family/friends and pets mean everything to me

2. Living in an age where information and knowlege is so readily available if I care to look for it.

3. Lavender Roses and Shasta Daisies

4. Travel and learning about new cultures and ways of doing things

5. Soft flannel sheets on a cold night

6. Having enough

7. Working at a professional job

8. Chocolate, but especially bittersweet (the good stuff, at least 70% bean)

9. Matinee Movies, alone

10. Swimming every day in a heated pool

10 Things I Dislike:

1. Calories (I think everything should be calorie free)

2. People who don't take personal responsibility for their actions

3. Disorganization and Chaos

4. Bananas/Liver/Eggs

5. Any abuse of a living creature or littering

6. The sound of a dental drill or a baby/child screaming

7. How people behave under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol

8. The smell of coconut or vanilla scented lotions or candles

9. Being manipulated

10. Machinery that doesn't work when it's supposed to

There you have it--20 things about me that maybe you didn't already know .

So what are your 20 things??

Athletic Women

I graduated High School in the early 80's

There was a Rite of Passage

all females had to endure

As

freshmen

we had to go out and purchase

the ugliest thing we'd ever worn

The fit was horrid

it was uncomfortable

This garment was called

THE GYMSUIT

It was a requirement

in this particular school district

to

wear a white version

just like the picture above

Elastic legs

Snaps or buttons

with a fake belt

We had to have our names above the left pocket

written in boldly in ink

or

if you had a handy Mother

you were allowed to have your name

embroidered in colored thread

They were to be taken home and washed

once a week

and

we wore white socks

with

white sneakers

to complete the ensemble

Pretty snazzy, huh?

I suppose it didn't matter

what we wore

we weren't allowed out often

from

the drafty girls locker room

The girl's gym was small

and

smelled of mildew

While the boy's locker room

housed the beloved football and basketball teams

and was huge

The message was clear

''Girls don't count in athletics''

I often wondered why that was

as

I got shoved into every Home Economic class

and

basically told to shut up

because

''this is the way it is for females''

but

I do know

even as a young teenager

the double standard

really made me

angry

I often think now

of all the natural athletic talent

gone to waste

as we stood shivering and waiting

for our turn at badminton

or

learned to do a line dance

like the 'hustle'

I'm laughing here as I recall

what I did

about this horrible injustice

I simply staged

a

tiny one-girl protest

of the

GYMSUIT

It sounds small and insignificant

by today's standards

I suppose

but

it was scandalous then

Every day

I

wore panties

with large dark lettering

written boldly across the butt

that

could be read through

the thin

GYMSUIT

fabric

I remember

One of the panties

said

''Smart Ass''

And

its interesting

but

not one

teacher had the guts

to

say a word

Name Game

Naming another human being is a huge undertaking

It's one of those things where everyone has an opinion

and

the child has to live with your choices

There is a lot to be said about an appropriate name

Something that is classic, yet different

Easy to pronounce

has a ''coolness'' factor

Plus

you don't want your kid

to be

one of dozens with the same name

in their classes

growing up

As for me

I had a much hated middle name

I was named after my favorite Grandmother

and I really liked that

it was a huge honor

until

she confided in me

when I was about 7

that she secretly loathed our middle name

so

I had my middle name

legally changed many years ago

after she died

The tough part in that process

of change

was telling my Mother

I avoided the subject for a year or so

and

finally confessed what I'd done

She looked at me and said simply

''Remember, I didn't know you when I named you that''

and you know what

She was right

Valentine's Day

If I got all sentimental

and lovey-dovey

and soppy

about

Valentine's Day

I suspect

you'd all think there was something wrong

After all

I'm far too cynical to get excited about hearts and flowers

and silly cards

and red and pink crepe paper streamers

Yep, thats me

"Miss Cynical"

but

Sometimes those that

rail against and resist

such things

are the ones

who need it

the most

Walk on by.....

Sometimes

being

a

really

great

friend

means

walking

away

slowly

even

when

you

don't

want

to

Upgrades

I think adults should be required to go

back to school

for a year

perhaps at 45 years of age

and

then again at 65

to

(re)learn a few things

we once knew

We all lose information

the older we get

Our brains aren't as malleable and plastic

plus they are full of the day-to-day

issues of real life

So

Wouldn't it be great

to get into a classroom

and upgrade those areas

where we could use some help?

Everyone could pick and choose

their own curriculum

Since

we know exactly where our weakness lies

now

that we're out in the big bad world

and all grown up

Bad spellers would get needed tutorials

We could learn a new language

People with poor math skills

would finally get the help they deserve

without embarassment

and

maybe even the divorced

could take a life skills class

to

figure out how to cope

with dating, cooking, solo parenting

and balancing the checkbook

Plus

let's face it

an age appropriate stress class

would be fantastic

for everyone

I do know if this was a

requirement

I'd finally learn how to spell conscious

without looking it up

(like I did just now)

And you can bet

this second time around

dodge ball at recess

would be a whole lot more

fun

Make it count

It's very interesting to me

how

someone could be part of your daily life

and

then they arent

Separated by different fates

Paths diverging

Sometimes by geography

Sometimes by death or illness

Sometimes by choice

It's always been sad to me

to

lose someone

What I've learned

is

People won't remember

what you wore

How much money you had

or

what you said

but

They will always remember

how

you made them feel

Saving Grace

If you ever get caught with

unexpected guests

and

a house that's less than perfect

there is something you can do in a hurry

with very little notice

Scoop up the newspapers

spritz the guest bathroom down

with some foamy cleanser

then

Put the kettle on for tea

and

bake cookies

I can guarantee

those small things

combined with

a warm hug and a genuine smile

will make the messy countertops

just

disappear

Come out...please.

On Sunday, I took a trip to the coast.

It was a beautiful afternoon, mid 50's

A little misty

just enough to be mysterious

So I

snapped a few pictures

like the one above

I swear as I stepped over gnarled, tangled roots

and

onto the lush carpet

of

loamy soil

to get this particular shot

Every fiber of my being

was wishing

I would discover

a

Fairy

Truly Naked

What would you be if everything you held dear

was stripped away from you?

No Job

No Home

No Family

No Money

No Name

No Friends

All your clothes gone

Leaving you

naked

You'd be exposed

Totally on your own

Without any outside trappings

or support

so

What then?

Would your true talents finally be revealed?

Your spirit still soar?

or

Would you be so focused on what you don't have

that you couldn't

see

what you

do?

Gardening

I think the proper topiary says it all.

Don't you?

15 minutes are up

I was happily having a ''getting to know you'' online chat

with a new person I met

in Second Life

the other day

Through carefully crafted questions and comments

I already knew her to be 22 years old

''stuck'' in Ohio

going to college

and a proud pet owner

of

2 hermit crabs

She was delightfully witty and fun

A bit of an ingenue

As she asked me some questions about myself

Probably the most surprising question she asked

was

"Have you ever done anything newsworthy or been famous''?

I had to stop and ponder that one for awhile

and

I was thinking to myself

''Isn't that an interesting question''

because

those who are newsworthy or famous

tend to not call attention to themselves

in fact

most seem to shy away from the limelight

and instead

they focus attention upon someone else

I think that's what makes me so crazy

about these reality shows on television

most of the contestants

don't know when to turn it off

and let their 15 minutes

of fame

just

go

Do It

Sometimes baby steps aren't big enough

Sometimes

GREAT BIG LEAPS

are the

only way to start the necessary changes

We all get into these ruts

so there isn't growth

We sit there stagnating

But a life well lived

means change

So today

open yourself up

say ''YES''

when you want to say ''NO''

Do something that makes you

uncomfortable

You will find that tiny piece

of

YES

will open up doors that you never dreamed

and

will take you down paths

beyond your own imagination

and daring

I promise

Urban Legend?

If you plug your name into the Urban Dictionary

(http://www.urbandictionary.com/)

you'll find out probably more than you ever wanted to

know about your name.

Here's mine

Tammy:

A sexy curvy, girl-next door type that will leave you breathless and steal your heart.

You will never find another girl like a Tammy.

Often referred to as ''the one''.

She loves to laugh and play, but don't be fooled by her smile.

She has a low tolerance for stupidity and immaturity

and will knock you on your ass if you run up on her.

Lucky You

Have you noticed how fortunate some people are?

How everything just seems handed to them

while

they go through their life seemingly

with

a lucky charm in their pocket

It's like

they get the big breaks

run in all the best circles

have an ease about them that defies imagination

What I think

is

they aren't particularly lucky

they are in the right place, at the right time

they are wide open to possibilities

they are prepared to accept change

and

ask for help from the right people

who are able to actually assist them

Instead of whining about their misfortune

They are resiliant

They fail and try again

because really

the only failure

is

in

the

not trying

All roads lead...to home

About 3 days after high school graduation

I moved to a different state

Actually, I was running away

Running from a life I saw as pre-planned

Pre-destined

Ordinary and mundane

The town I grew up in

had always been such a boring, predictable place

My family name was well known

and fairly respected

but

This town is funny in that

a person will never be more or less what they were in high school

It wouldnt matter if you'd earned a PhD

and cured cancer

All it would matter to the townspeople

was

the touchdown that was missed

because

you dropped the ball

during the big homecoming game

or

that the guy you dated as a senior

turned out to be gay

Back then

I saw my hometown as binding me

tying my arms at my sides

as I struggled to break free

and fly

But

I have to admit

when I go ''home''

now

there is a part of me that

wants to sink down into the comfort of familiarity

and

just lie there

awhile

It's not you....it's ME

Thanks to so many of you who write to me

I read each and every email

and

some make me laugh

some have made me cry

Your comments are brilliant

insightful and well said

and all have kept me interested

and motivated to continue

The most common thing I hear

from my friends and readers

is

''Did I inspire that blog?''

I suppose its really good

to reach as many people as I do

Mindblowing, actually

Maybe they have similar stories

Or

I touched some tiny bit of their spirit

I mean after all

this simple blog is just something I started

to sort of explain to my kids

who I really am

What propels me forward

I feel like I can parent them somehow

when I'm not around

They can look up my little blurps

hear my voice

through my words

and know that I'm always

growing, listening, and learning
and

thinking about them

with love and pride

And to answer the questions

they were wondering about

So

really

the answer is

NO

I'd say 99.99% of this blog

isn't about anyone in particular

but

it's just me on my journey of

self discovery

Here Comes The Judge

It's inevitable

Humans judge each other

They may say they aren't

but

they most certainly are

Maybe it comes from living in a community

that needs to stay close to survive

Words are weighed

Actions carefully noted

All based on the

notion of what is

''right''

What I have learned in 46 years

is

there is really no ''right'' or ''wrong''

Sometimes the stark black or white

answer

lies somewhere in the misty grey

I'd hate to think

That I ever influenced someone to go against

their better judgement

but

I'm sure I have done exactly that

just as they

in turn

pushed me in directions

that didn't make sense for my life

So

I am going to start practicing

acceptance

Fully embracing our differences

Knowing I am not the judge and jury

nor

do I wish to be judged for my choices

To my way of thinking

Our behavior and attitudes

need to stop

somewhere

and

I'm realizing the only person

I can actually control

on this planet

is me