Thin Blue Line

Being married to a police officer isn't easy

the divorce rate for cops is 98%

I can understand why

We 

have been married 29 years

Wes has been a cop for 34 years

far longer than most

of his current co-workers have been alive

the job takes it's toll

emotionally, physically and mentally

vacations ruined

sleep interrupted

court dates changed

threats

accidents

negative public perception

groupies

gruesome sights, smells and sounds

We  

may have a thin blue line protecting us

around town

but

in my house

the thin blue line stops a couple of feet 

into the driveway

The

house rule is

Wes isn't allowed to be a cop here at home

for instance
we don't have cop paraphernalia

lying around

his uniforms are hung in a separate closet

along with his gear and guns

Our 

home is his sanctuary

his peace

(as it should be)

After 

a particular tough time

I usually get a phone call midway through his day

and
I can tell in his voice

if it's been a bad one

(child abuse and murder cases messes with your mind and heart)

So

when he gets home

I do my best to help push away the demons

keeping conversation light

meeting him at the door
with a beer and a kiss

making a great dinner 

a sympathetic Scottie to cuddle

he immediately showers

washing off the despair

and
slides into comfy clothes

I've usually got a funny movie lined up for him

or 

an interesting project

 while he tries to forget

what his mind doesn't want to accept
about his fellow humans

I often wonder how he does it

my silent husband

the cops who are typically the most affected

by this kind of work

the ones who don't talk it out

nobody thinks they are bothered

so stoic and quiet are they

but sometimes

they are the ones who need the most support

the most praise for a job well done

as they try their best

for all of us

today

and

everyday

Perception

Perception is Everything

I 

have often said

people only hear what they want to hear

 the rest they will make up in their minds based on their 

mood, 

character 

& 

combined experiences

In saying such a thing

let me give you an example

If 

I simply hand a person an apple

he may decide in that moment

1. I am nice and going to feed him

2. I am giving him a poisoned apple and trying to kill him

3. I want something in exchange for the apple

(or a host of other things)

In the meantime

in my mind

I am merely handing him an apple

because 

the tree in my yard produced so many

Is it any wonder

how miscommunication

occurs

?

And?

I feel like our American lives 

have been taken over by the silly wedding

of someone who doesn't even live here 

I 

cannot wait for this day to be over

after all the hashing and re-hashing

who was there

who wore what

who said what

who kissed who

who ate what

who ..........

Who CARES?

Enough 

already

please

Time Bandits

I've managed 

to identify several large time sponges

that I gravitate to

these are the things that I do

to waste sweet, precious time

It's interesting

we

all have 24 hours in one day

 I have

always been surprised how 

some people seem
to get so much done

 in the same 24 hours 

while lately

I move at a snail's pace

With

a clear eye

I've been watching myself

standing outside looking inward

and it seems
the trouble starts

when I don't have a list of goals 

for the day

I find I tend to gravitate
to the time sponges

or anything shiny and fun

and 

after what seems like a brief time

(which really isn't so brief at all)

the day has whiled away 
and it's dark outside

That's
fine once in awhile

but

like eating candy for every meal

after a bit

 I don't want candy anymore

I'm finding

I'm needing some vegetables

leaving the candy

and the time sponges

for a time when I 

have time to 

spare

*this is one of my favorite songs, sung by Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman....to say I have everything recorded by Andrea Bocelli would be an understatement*

Interesting Video...please watch

Greetings!

In

clearing out and cleaning my old office

I came across greeting cards

stacks and stacks

probably 500

would be a pretty good estimate

handmade on filmy paper

beautiful holiday cards

funny friendship cards

sympathy cards that brought a tear to my eye

and

as I reorganized each card

into their new niche

I realized those cards represented 

my good intentions

but my terrible lack of follow through

sure
my friends and family know I mean well

They 

get emails, texts and phone calls from me
all the time

but

they never received the touchable part

telling them they matter to me

I guess 

I can only move forward from here

I will go to the post office tomorrow

pick up some stamps to keep handy

update my rolodex

and start sending out 

a piece of my heart

with each card

I write

The Remodel

The picture isn't of my house

but
it may as well be

because

we are remodeling our downstairs area

I'm not sure if I should be happy

or 

completely freaked out

by this mess

I've created

YES

I did it to myself...it was my idea
my vision

Although
Wes has been doing the bulk of the work
(he's pretty handy, and actually LIKES this stuff)

In 

my spare time this past week

I had to take everything out of the downstairs office

load it into the formal living room

the rec room is full of saw horses

dust paint cans and tools

stacks and trails

dirty dusty messes
everywhere

In my heart of hearts
I know
I have to overlook this temporary mess
I have to keep the big picture in mind

a gigantic laundry room

folding tables

floor to ceiling cabinets

labeled with contents

a built in ironing board

 right next to a 7 foot window

Everything 

in 

it's place

and a

place for everything

but
my limited patience is wearing thin

I cannot wait

to be 

finished

Quid Pro Quo

I try my hardest not to keep score

but

when I have someone 

in my life

I constantly give give give give
to

and I ask for one teensy favor in return

something simple and easy

and she refuses
(without a reasonable excuse)
I admit

I react in a really negative way

This
person has no clue how I feel
it's not worth the drama of telling her
in her selfishness
she won't see
what I'm talking about

but
from here on out

the word '''no'' will be on my lips

far more than the word
''yes''

 

Little things.....mean a lot

On a recent week-long trip, these products above were
replenished in both hotel bathrooms daily
Which I then took home
and I may have filched some off the housekeeping cart
grabbing an armful and sprinting down the hallway like
a running back in the NFL
while Wes cringed in embarrassment and refused to speak to me for 2 days

plus, I found some extras lying around
which was nice too
.............

I dearly love the teeny soaps and shampoos

I find in hotel bathrooms when I'm traveling

since

I can't possibly use all of the stuff

I get

I save them all up in a big box

then

a few times a year

I pull out some zippy bags

and

put together care packages
soap, shampoo, lotion, toothbrush, toothpaste

Wes

keeps them in his patrol car

or his locker

at work

he looks for an opportunity to hand them out

 to someone in need

or
delivers them to the local homeless shelter
a wandering hobo

 the local abused women's home

It

isn't much
doesn't cost me a thing

and
takes very little effort or time

but 

if you think about it

sometimes the little things

like a personal are item

makes all the difference

in someone's day
it may mean someone cares

so

what are you doing

to help out your fellow

human being

?

Delightful Surprises

Sometimes

opening up my email 

is a like unwrapping a gift

 this one

  came complete

with a big heart

and a

green eyed

 beauty

Yes, it's all about YOU.

Urban Dictionary defines narcissism as ...A personality disorder where you have an abnormal desire for ones self, where you lack empathy, and unconscious inadequacy of self esteem, due to regression of child development. Also a delusion that you are more important than everyone else.

Once again, I feel the need to reiterate....this blog is about stuff going on inside MY head.
If you think a post I write is all about you, then I highly suggest you take a look at your own behavior and modify, if you think you should.
And try to calm down by taking deep breaths.
Remember, panic isn't pretty.

The Wisdom of Kings

There's a story
I'm pretty confident you've heard it before

it goes something like this

This is a tale about 2 mothers

both fighting over the same baby

so

they decided to let the King 

determine who would be allowed to raise the child

The King

(wise man that he was)

declared the baby would be cut in half

and an equal piece be given to each woman

On hearing this
one of the women was completely satisfied

as she stood there with a smug look on her face

but the other woman was visibly distraught

and 

agreed to give the baby to her foe

to spare the child's life

or rather 

her baby's life

In doing this
the King
instantly knew
who the real mother was

because she was
 willing to sacrifice her own happiness
so that her child would live

......

An interesting fable to be sure

and

even today
one that plays out
in
so many different
forms

Completely Funny

I dare you not to laugh

(my best friend is Australian...I can see us in these two)

On Being Human

While putting in a day a week

volunteering at the dental clinic

I have to admit

I

hit huge emotional roadblocks

in my soul

every time I am there

Working

with a child 

who has rampant cavities

watching him

cringe in pain the moment I touch him

yet stoically not say a word

as I attempt to clean pus filled gingiva

thanking me afterwards with a shy smile

and a high five

as he gratefully climbs out of my chair

looking like the treasure chest of 

cheap trinkets

is the best thing he has ever seen in his life

and 

as he walks away

clutching his new toothbrush and a tiny ball

I often wonder where he will wind up in life

these poorest of the poor kids

so very shy

speakers of spanish 

with the most

beautiful brown eyes

 and

 I have to tell you

my heart really does bleed

every single day

for them

and their plight

even though I cannot say

a word

Lesser Evil

I consider
Americans 

as some of the lucky ones

in that
we have elections 

instead of an antiquated monarchy

 or fascist dictators

If 

the ticket comes down

between these two

above

during  the next elections

I'm not sure which one I'd pick

The complete and utter ass
with decent business sense
but who has his own agenda

or

The guy who didn't live up to his promises
but has done a few good things
despite being handed a huge mess
he had no hand in making

Either way

I'm pretty confident

my ridiculously high taxes will continue

there will be soup lines

high unemployment

&

war

Un Pretty

Have you been hearing about

all the women who are dying

after enduring cosmetic procedures

in 

hotel rooms

?

I don't understand

why someone would put themselves

into the hands of fake doctors

have back room surgeries

botched face lifts

and 

bizarre permanent implants placed 

into their bodies

by someone unqualified

My thoughts are

If 

you're dead

you aren't saving money

are you

?

Social Media

You really have to read

between the lines on social media

Don't
buy into the hype
of

how glorious people's lives are

 making

everyone jealous of their 

amazing kids

stellar marriage

perfectly perfect lives
Obviously
people aren't going to reveal their warts
But how I wish they could
at least be honest
We
all have things that aren't great
marriages that dull with time
kids who screw up
friendships that implode
money deals falling thru
barely holding a job in a wobbly market
After awhile
in reading most of their posts

I have to say
I find it to be almost comical
and a tough thing

to stomach

especially 

when you know their

real story

Mmmmm....sigh

Try not to drool on your keyboard

 The world's greatest steak in the world's greatest steakhouse

(note the HUGE pat of herbed butter?)

 How bad can a Cornish game hen be?

(plenty bad when you add wicked good potatoes and sour cream)

Truffle chocolate cake, anyone?

I had no words, as my eyes rolled back in ecstasy

(note the extra large dollop of whipped cream)

...................

Yes

These are actual pictures 

I took with my handy dandy camera phone

of some of the stellar meals I ate

For 

whatever reason

when I travel

I go balls to the wall

 eat whatever I want

when I want it
feeling an obligation to be polite
if something gets sent over
or
someone wants me to try
''the best thing on the planet''

This is not ideal

I realize
I simply cannot

 eat these kinds of calories

Sure 

I was busy

walked a lot

swam most days

but 

the reality is

as a 5'3'' female

I really should be subsisting 

on 

a lettuce leaf and some broth

with 

maybe a broiled chicken breast

sans spices

Since

  I won't be traveling for the rest 

of April and most of May

so far anyway

(yaay!)

I will be living like a cloistered nun

nibbling carrots

refusing luncheon dates

avoiding anything that resembles pizza

or cheese

or deliciousness

and 

working out 2 hours a day

so

 bear with me please
as I cut back on
yummy

Lean on Me

When

you step outside your comfort zone

 take on the cares of the world

try something new

and 

it doesn't work out
and you fail miserably

Do

you count on someone else

to provide you a soft spot to fall?

do they give you
constant caring and support

a shoulder to lean on

(or maybe a spot to shed a tear or two)

And

I suppose the bigger question would be

Do
you in turn

give the same to them

?

Home Sweet Home

I've been traveling quite a bit 

and
no matter where I've gone it's still the same
I've realized

it doesn't matter how nice your hotel

how interesting the entertainment

how fun the conversations

how gourmet the restaurants

when

you finally get home

slide into your jammies

fix some toast and tea

love on your pets

kiss your husband

and 

sink your head down into your pillows
in your own bed

there's such an indescribable and delicious
feeling of

'ahhhhhh'

The Dental Convention

The Dental Convention

is being held in Portland

I will be there

getting in 3 days of continuing education

seeing all the latest and greatest

meeting people

trying not to drool over 

automatic sharpeners

tasting prophy paste

(I have a thing for the strawberry cream and chocolate combo packs)

watching normally sedate, conservative people

drinking themselves into oblivion

at the after parties

~UGH~

This year I'm going with my friend, Angie

we have a 2 bedroom condo with an indoor pool

which is exactly
(after the fun day of convention-ing)

where we will be hanging out

in lounge chairs

feet up

wine in hand

enjoying our time

away

I'm 48.

48

wow

when did that happen

?

(this song cracks me up)

The Safety Dance

There is a fine line

between friendly

and
being in danger

....
As

a woman

I don't want to appear paranoid

however
take yesterday for instance

when a man approached me in a shop

continued to talk to me far beyond a greeting

made a point to get into the line I was standing in

and
then walked with me

(bags in hand)

to my car

I got a little concerned

In
the past

I have had my life threatened

 the kids unable to go outside to recess

and so we had to cloister ourselves
as a family

 I hope I'm not being sounding ridiculous

but yesterday

I found myself

with all my senses kicked into high gear

(but playing mellow and relaxed on the outside)

fingers on my mace

planning my exit strategy

feeling like a complete idiot

because

in the end

all the guy wanted to do

was
to be friendly and laugh

a little

The Other White Meat

In the event you want a 

sparkly

magical 

high protein

low fat

sandwich on whole wheat
or
perhaps a hearty rye

I highly suggest you try

unicorn

The Creative vs The Non-Creative

I know I have blogged about it before

by ''it'' 

I mean people who take my ideas
insert it as something original 

Some
say it's using ''creative license''

and to chill out

take the blatant thievery as a compliment

feel pity for someone less artsy

I admit I can't let it go

It really pisses me off

How 

can taking my ideas

  be different than stealing

a 

loaf of bread from a 

grocery store

?