He's all right

We've been incredibly worried about Dewey, our newest Scottish Terrier.

He's 9 years old and- while we expected that we'd have a few glitches here and there with his health and behavior- we didn't expect that we'd be picking up a little lemon in January disguised as a Scottie.

He's lost a lot of hair on his back, we still don't know why he drinks over a gallon of water a day (most big dogs drink only 2 quarts in hot weather), he's had unexplained fevers, his thyroid is completely whacked, he's had a host of ear and other infections, and his lymph nodes have swollen to twice their normal size. None of this is good, of course .

Since January, he's been to the vet 5 times for blood tests and check ups. He's had 4 different prescriptions that we give him twice a day and now he's eating a prescription dog food.

This latest round of blood tests and lymph node biopsies on Tuesday was supposed to tell us if he had cancer. Amazing what that kind of almost-diagnosis does to your heart, even if it is 'just' a family pet.

Wes and I had to make some hard decisions. We aren't big believers in heroics when it comes to older pets and we've been doing some serious soul searching. We decided to let nature take it's course as long as he was comfortable. We had steeled our hearts to the fact that we probably wouldn't have Dewey for very long, but that we'd make sure he was happy while he was here.

So we got the dreaded phone call from the vet today.

Apparently Dewey Boy is FINE. His blood work that had been completely strange for 4 months have rallied, and he's on the mend. Our vet has no idea what was wrong, but it's better. No cancer. His kidneys checked out OK. Lymph nodes are clear.

WOOT!

Now we're going to work on his behavior. We were thinking that he's dying, so now he's spoiled beyond belief. He is a big crybaby when he wants something. He'll whine and fuss until his needs are met, no matter what they are. Or what time.

You know, after everything that poor guy has been through in 9 years, I can work with that.

So Long Harvey Korman!

Some of my fondest memories were shaped when we watched The Carol Burnett Show.

Carol Burnett, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman and Vicky Lawrence came into our living room and entertained us all. They did it without vulgarity, without meaness. The look of an eye or a twitch of the mouth could send any one of us into peals of laughter. Sometimes we didn't even know why it was so funny--it just was.

I remember when Tim Conway would crack Harvey Korman up.

I found out later that Tim's main goal was to see if he could get Harvey to shatter his professional facade.

He would ad-lib lines until Harvey lost it. It worked...and often.

Harvey Korman died yesterday. He was 81.

Mel Brooks said it best when he said "A world without Harvey Korman in it is a more serious world"

Enjoy the skit: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9T8i4FkNVo&feature=related

Harvey Korman will be remembered for all the times he couldn't keep a straight face.

In losing it, he became one of us.

Webster's---LOOK OUT!

I've been hearing a lot of new words lately.

It's kind of hard to keep up on the newest lingo, but I try.

Oh--how I try.

I try because the last time I said to my kids that I was 'gettin' jiggy wit it'...they howled and dove under the table so I wouldn't see their embarrassed faces. That was in 1998.

Just when I thought I was being all hip and cool--they turned the tables on me. I'm STILL getting teased for my moment of ultra rap coolness.

Well...I learned from that mistake really fast.

Here are a few to learn today....

** Showmance: That's where 2 people fall for each other and hook up during a reality TV series

** Bromance: 2 guys that like each other --as only friends (?)

** Staycation: Kind of like a vacation, but you stay home in order to save gas/money

**Early Nerd Special: Standing in line at midnight to see the movie that's just being released.

**Face Time: Seeing someone face-to-face instead of e-mail, texting and phone calls. This used to be called 'visiting' for all of us old timers reading this blog.

**Cash Pedal: The accelerator on your car. Used mostly during high gas prices.

**Shituation: Someone in a bad situation

**Textual Relations: To send a (sexual in nature) text to someone

** Foul Weather Friend: Someone who only seeks you out when they are depressed or need something.

**Barsexual: A girl who only kisses other girls in bars when she's drunk--usually to get attention from men.

** Disneyfication: The art of taming the world to make it seem like everything is sparkling and clean and there are no problems.

WHEW! There are literally thousands of these words and meanings out there. I'll be revisiting this subject from time to time so we can ALL sound super-cool. Together.

Huh?

Saying "Super Cool" is out?

Never mind.

E-Bayin'

I don't know how it happened.
I'm not a competitive person...at least I didn't think so until today.

For some reason, I put a bid on a motorcycle on E-Bay a couple of days ago.
Just randomly found this bike, liked it and became the first bidder.
I figured 'What the heck? I'll start out the bidding...seems like a nice bike...and I'm SURE someone else will bid on it and take me off the hook."
After all--I don't need a motorcycle. Wes already has his Shadow 1100, I've also got my own motorcycle that I never ride.
Sure enough, someone outbid me today. At first I was relieved. Then, a little sad.
Then--absolutely FURIOUS that someone would come along and steal my motorcycle right out from under my nose. HOW DARE THEY??
Soooo....I bid again.
As it stands now, I'm the high bidder.
CRAP.CRAP.CRAP.
The bike is somewhere in Wisconsin. It's going to cost a whole heap to ship it to Oregon. Probably more than the bike is worth.
Lordy, how I hope someone out there decides to swoop in and outbid me again. And soon.
At least that's what I keep telling myself....

EMO

I was sitting at a traffic light yesterday.

It was midday and I wasn't really paying attention to much. All of a sudden 3 teenagers burst onto the sidewalk in front of me. They were laughing and having fun. Whirling, twirling, skipping across the street. Holding hands with each other. Howling.

What surprised me was that these were guys.

Guys dressed in skin tight, low waisted checked pants, black tight, tiny t-shirts, low top converse sneakers without socks and dyed black hair that fell over their eyes. Eye liner so heavy I was shocked they could raise their eyelids enough to see. Pale skin and black lipstick. I also caught a glimpse of black fingernail polish.

Good GOD.

According to my kids, this is the 'EMO' look. What is EMO? Apparently it's a cross between gothic and suicide. There's a lot of angsty behavior, soul searching and tears that go along with the 'look'. It's pretty popular with the teens.

As I was sitting there snarling in judgement, I had a ghastly thought.

Do you think OUR parents thought our styles in high school were weird? Extreme, even?

NOOOO--not US!!!!!!

I started to laugh when it hit me--WE were once considered weird too.

We've even got the pictures to prove we were. Those pictures we laugh over now.

The snapshot of big bangs, blue eyeshadow, leggings, leg warmers and giant off-the-shoulder sweatshirts. Lace anklet socks with high heels. Gaucho pants--need I say more??

Yep, we were once as hip as these EMO kids.
Just wait until they see their yearbooks in 25 years!

Time

Some people have a LOT of time on their hands.

The Hat and the Misunderstanding

I own a hat that cost $895.

It's beautiful, my hat. It ought to be. It should get up every morning and wash the breakfast dishes, it's so pricey. I'll never wear it. I can't--it cost $895! What would happen if it got dirty? Fell overboard during a boat trip?

So, how did I come to own a hat that cost $895?

Welllllllllll........I had always admired the hat on the movie "Practical Magic". It was the one (as above) Aunt Fran wore throughout the film. It was floppy, fun and had a quality that I couldn't find anywhere. I loved loved loved the look of that hat.

I searched around for it for several years. Wes knew that everytime we'd go into a new city, I'd search out the nearest hat shop and ask where I could find it. Nobody knew.

When I finally located the hat on the internet, the price was a silly $225. My spirits fell. That was ridiculous price for just a hat...I was so disappointed.

For Christmas several years ago, Wes decided to surprise me by getting me this hat. His heart was in the right place. He mentioned to me that the hat seemed a little pricey--I was thinking "Yeah--$225 is ridiculous, but after all it IS Christmas".

And so he ordered the hat.

What I didn't know what the hat was no longer being made in Mexico for pennies on the dollar by peasant women who had to shoo chickens and children off the straw they were weaving.

Ohhhh noooo--now my hat was now being custom made for me in the Alps of Switzerland. By vestal virgins, who only ate organic food on top of a mountainside whilst breathing in the fresh air. The price was now $895. I had no idea, I was thinking $225 still.

Then I got the credit card statement. I admit I completely freaked out.

In Wes' defense, he thought I knew the hat was $895. I thought the hat was $225, and had agreed to he could get it for me ahead of time. I figured YES, it's expensive but get it anyway and I'll try to justify this due to it being a holiday and all.

Quite the misunderstanding.

We tried to cancel the hat order, but since it was being custom made to fit my head, the company wouldn't cancel and refund the money.

I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was going to own a very, very expensive hat.

i figured I'd wear it every day for the rest of my life. I'd wear it for gardening, weddings, funerals, shopping, anywhere and everywhere. This hat was going to be well-loved and USED.

Well. The big day came...

When the mammoth box containing my hat arrived, I swear the heavens opened up and I heard angels singing. It was so beautiful--everything I ever thought it would be.

My hands were shaking as I lifted my hat from the box.

I tried it on.

I peered into the mirror.

UH-OH.

I looked AWFUL. Not a little bit of terrible...really, really bad.

The hat doesn't suit me. Not only was it ridiculously priced, and custom made to my abnormal head measurements. I look like hell in it to boot.

Now, doesn't that just figure?