A matter of time...

Where does wasted time go?

Is there a graveyard for it?

A place where a person can pluck it off the shelf, dust it off and use it up more wisely?

Maybe even hand my wasted time over to a person or pet that's dying.

Like bestowing a gift.

I think of all the time that I have wasted in my life ...and I feel like weeping.

But then, I wonder--was it really wasted?

If I wasnt constantly in motion, producing something or thinking deeply, does that nullify the fact that I just....was?

Being me. Isnt that enough?

We are all just part of the fabric that will eventually fade. Muted colors will whiten and vibrant colors will pale. New fabric will be woven, stronger and different--but never exactly like the previous.

In my recent downtime, I discovered that time marches on, with or without us in it.

The passage of time is the only constant in the here and now.

.....tick tock....tides turning....leaves falling....newborn babies...

You know, much as I hate change--I wouldnt have it any other way.

A Matter of Trust

I've been thinking about trust lately.
Some people are able to give trust right away.
They simply overlook any past difficulties and blaze through relationships with an innocent heart.
How I envy those people. They look at the world with a child's eye. They love without reservation, without misgivings.

I'm not one to give trust freely.
It must be earned.
Guarded, protected.

Any little thing can tip the balance and I tend to run when trust is breached.
I dont want to, but the consequences of not trusting someone in my world can be huge.

Wouldnt it be great if we all looked at people like a 6 year old does?

A smile. A recognition. Maybe even a grubby hand holding mine.
Innocence lost.
When there is no more trust.

Send in the Clowns

Wes and I were having a discussion yesterday at lunch.

I had noticed something about myself, him and others that we know and in a flash--it became apparent to me what we were onto.

Anyway...Here's the observation:

One way or another, a person's needs get met.

They do. If someone truely needs something in their life, they will do everything in their power to make sure that need is met. I'm talking emotional, spiritual, sexual, physical needs (yes, I said sexual in this blog, try to calm down, OK?).

For example--if "Bob" main need is another's approval, he will make sure he accomplishes a task (or 10) that meets with great approval from the masses. He'll get what he desires.

Once that need is quenched, another will rise and take it's place.

And so it goes.

It was quite a lunch, I tell ya.

Quite a lunch.

Hands of Time

I'm sure you've noticed that I haven't been writing in here lately.

Nothing wrong--I just have been enjoying the summer, seeing friends, redecorating and painting rooms and working. A LOT.

I've been filling in for vacationing dental hygienists in my office and since there are 6 of us--I've been kinda swamped.

I like my office, I like (most) of my patients...but 5 days a week is pretty tough.

My back hurts, my shoulder and neck is all crinked up and my hand aches.

Now I understand why hygienists typically only work 2-3 days a week!

Soooo..instead of whining about it in here, I simply didn't write.

Then, I saw how long it had been and I had guilt.

So I didn't write.

I'm feeling better again

Look for more posts, I think I'm back for good.

Unless I get invite to a BBQ.

That comes first.

(Relax--I kid you! I KID!)

Survival of the Fittest

Yesterday in the mail I received a catalog.

I get a lot of catalogs, since I do quite a bit of online shopping--I get so sick of constantly being bombarded with advertisements and junk mail.

However--this particular catalog caught my eye.

It was from http://www.thereadystore.com/

In this catalog you can buy disaster relief items.

Stuff like dehydrated foods, packaged water, bucket toilets, tents, etc.

I was tempted to purchase a few things.

I was.

I mean--look what happened to the people who relied on the government after Hurricaine Katrina hit Louisiana.

Humans died there because they weren't prepared.

They thought they would be rescued, but help never came for them.

I'm not sure what would happen here in my little town. We don't have tornadoes. We're too far inland for a big wave to engulf us. We had had a few earthquakes, but nothing like Southern California. Heck--even the flooding here is fairly polite.

After reading this magazine with their not-so-subtle warnings about global disasters and slick pictures of beautiful (all white, I noticed) children....well, I'm probably being lured to the dark side of survivalism--but damn, it's tempting to lay in a few supplies.

Just a few.

Just for my family. And my dogs. And me.

That way, when there are nuclear waste addled zombies outside the perimeter of my house trying to get in, we'll be well fed, well rested, alert and prepared to fight them off.

Besides, the dehydrated blueberry crumble looks pretty good.

Marital Bliss

Are there any great love stories out there anymore?

I mean REALLY great love stories?

I don't think I can name even one right now.

Once in awhile I talk to an elderly man or woman who has been married 50+ years.

They glow with an inner peace. They are proud they've lasted as long as they did. They are happy to tell me all about the companionship they've experienced with their partner.

The homes they lived it. The jobs they had. The family they raised.

But what kind of struggles did they have before they made it to senior citizenship?

Was there an affair? Furious tears? Distance in the relationship? Angry arguments? Stony silence?

Which one of them loved the other more?

Who was willing to sacrifice their own ideals and goals to continue the marriage?

Which one of them finally was able to give enough to make it to 50 years?

Does that matter?

I think it does..... to the person who made the sacrifice, anyway.

Dreadlocks vs Suits

He had a headful of nasty,dirty, long dreadlocks.

He was dressed in a tie dyed tshirt, dirty shorts and flip flops.

He had a full beard that he'd laced a few colorful beads into.

My patient yesterday sat down in my chair and announced he wouldn't be chatting with me because he had his ipod in his ears and it would be 'groovy' if he could 'tune out'.

OH.

Welllll.....OH.

He also brought his two boys, ages 5 and 8 into the room with us.

Inwardly, I rolled my eyes. I kind of felt sad for those two kids. I mean--what kind of a Dad was this guy? He obviously must not care for them well..or do anything conventional...or ....or...or...

During the 2 hours we had together, I found this guy to be perfectly wonderful. As the appointment progressed, I started seeing him, not a some dirty hippie type--but as a loving, involved Dad.

I found out he was a stay-at-home Dad, and he raises organic eggs and vegetables. He also volunteers his time during the school year in the Kindergarten class and the 2nd grade class. He explained to me that 'some of the kids don't have Dads in the house, and I think it's important they have a positive male role model--so I help out."

You know--I would take this guy ANY time over the well dressed (read: gorgeous) man who sat in my chair on Tuesday. The more that guy talked, name dropped, and whined--the uglier he got in my eyes. I couldn't wait to get finished with his cleaning. I scheduled him with another hygienist for his next appointment. Yikes, what a miserable scrap of humanity!

So what was the difference?

I believe the real man in my chair was the guy who wore the dreadlocks all the way to his waist.

Plus--he's bringing me organic eggs next week when I see him.