Thursday, September 30, 2010

Outing Myself


I'm fairly predictable on the outside
I dress in a pretty conservative manner
I don't flaunt myself around
so
You'd never know I have a dirty little secret
one that I don't deliberately hide
but
I don't talk about it
It's something
that
you'd probably never guess in a million years
about me
and
I've chosen today to make public
what inquiring minds really want to know
~~~Drum roll please~~~
I am sporting 2 sizable tattoos
on my upper back
They aren't visible to anyone
my clothes hide them
Only *I*know they're there
So
What are they
?
They are fairy wings
that
look like they are coming out of my back
Airy, feminine and magical
and
very very pretty
so
I suppose this newsworthy tidbit
won't go
in the family Christmas newsletter
because
I've just outed myself
and NO
I won't show them
to you
even if you ask
nicely



Friday, September 24, 2010

Leave the light on for me, ok?


Taking a little time away from the computer
Try not to pine away
While I'm gone
I promise to be back with
more energy
more thoughts
more fun
more everything
in a week or so
Ciao
Auf Wiedersehen
Adios
Au na lesu tale mai
Doei
Hooroo
Genough farwel
Thwabaounme
Adéu-siau
&
G'bye Y'all



Thursday, September 23, 2010

Confession #941


Confession #941

I may seem thick skinned
confident, composed
and willing to
take on the world
(which I do... typically on behalf of other people)
but
In all reality
I'm such a softie
with a tender heart
my feelings get hurt
even when
someone behind me honks
as
I'm waiting for a traffic light
Someday
I'm going to squelch that woman
who
wears her heart on her sleeve
I promise





Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Voyeurs


I think the reality television craze
the news and the internet
have made a nation of voyeurs
instead of looking at the stories
we have in our own homes
in our own lives
we watch
someone else
deal
(or not deal)
with theirs




Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Right Stuff


Have you ever done
something
to right a previous wrong
and it still blew up in
your face anyway
and
you have this moment
of wondering
why you even
bothered
to put yourself out there
in the first place
?




Monday, September 20, 2010

Heroes Unsung


Here is to the person
who touches many lives
never asking for fame nor fortune
just plugging along
the best they know how
for they are
the true
heroes

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Turning Away


I've seen my fill of gruesome sights
Some I wanted to see
Some that happened
when I wasn't ready
simply
burned into my brain
they
fascinated me
disgusted me
upset me
but
all have
in
one way or another
have scarred my soul
forever




Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Girly Post

~Moschino~
Perfection in a heel
I doubt these will go
with anything I own
and
I can't see myself grocery shopping
in them
but
I really don't care
They. Are. Mine.





Friday, September 17, 2010

*Sigh*



Best movie kiss, ever.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Kiss of Life


One of the cardinal rules of performing CPR
is to
''continue until you are so exhausted you cannot go on''
I guess I'm like that with faltering relationships
I keep
going
and
going
and
going
until I'm so exhausted
I can no longer continue
It's not easy
trying to breathe life into something
dead or dying
hoping so hard
to see
that one bit of movement
one flicker of life
a spark
a sputter
anything
to revitalize the relationship
energize my flagging spirits
and
make me see
the effort
I'm putting out there
actually matters
to the other person
somehow




Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Collectors


I know many collectors
they collect everything from
stamps
books
rocks
glassware
you name it
For me
I think the most confusing collectors
are those
who collect
people
they need to be surrounded
always on the go
phones ringing
visitors on the doorstep
texts constantly
parties at every turn
I guess I've always kept my
inner circle
pretty small and intimate
I don't enjoy crowds
and I love knowing
the
people who are my friends
are really my friends
I suppose I'd rather have
3 amazing friends
who I know
without a doubt
are in my corner
than 15
quasi-acquaintances
who call themselves
friend





Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Celebrate YOU!

In my previous post
I indicated we all have those moments
of Dorkdom
In an effort to celebrate
this phenomenon
I am going to encourage you to
play the music video below
get up off your arse
and dance along with the music
~*I dare you*~
you cant help smiling
and
you will feel so much better for letting
go of your inner dork
I promise
TWIST




Monday, September 13, 2010

Dorks


We all have inner dorks
I don't know one person who
hasn't done a dorky thing
Admit it
you probably have
sung into the hairbrush
found yourself on the uncool side of the room
tripping over a piece of lint
one eye with makeup on, the other bare
something green on your tooth
or
defending your Barry Manilow collection
Heck, I'm like the queen of the dorks
I'm starting to embrace it
A few weeks ago
I was singing full bore into the privacy of my helmet
(I was on the bike at least)
with my ipod
not really thinking about it
until I saw people turning their heads
when I stopped at the traffic lights
Apparently
I was so off key and so loud
(imagine that)
I overshadowed the noise of my bike
but the worst part
was the song I was singing
♫ "Lead me on...TEASE me all night looooooonggg" ♫
(song is below, if you care to listen)
No wonder I was getting such funny looks
so
I say
let's all just let our
dork flags fly
from time to time
It makes the
cool people
(whomever they are)
feel a lot better about
themselves



Sunday, September 12, 2010

Masks


Funny thing about masks
they are so easily slipped on
but
once you put one on
for any length of time
its kind of hard
to take off
since
removal
leaves you completely
vulnerable
and
naked
even if you're wearing
a
parka

Saturday, September 11, 2010

A Reflection


September 11, 2001
was
such a wake up call
for most of us
before that day
we were in our own little bubbles
hate and terror couldn't reach us
we were invincible
In the horrendous aftermath
since 9-11
I have watched Americans
fight
bicker and argue
Christians against Muslims
Poor against Rich
War mongers against Pacifists
Brother against Brother
and
I think
if dividing this great country
into little pieces
was their ultimate goal
then
the Terrorists
succeeded




Friday, September 10, 2010

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Dog Run

The motorcycle group I ride with
is always on the hunt
for
interesting spots to ride and stop for a bite
This particular place
is called
''JunkYard Dogs''
Its
out in the middle of nowhere
open air, not fancy
family run
and
has probably the best hot dogs on the planet

The wee one in the pink t-shirt was our ''server''
She is so funny
the last time I was there
she also brought out her own dog
along with mine
and
(without asking)
plopped herself down right next to me
and
we had lunch together
It's always nice to be able to keep an eye on the bikes
(there aren't any walls, so it's a really close eye)

Yep
This is it
The entire seating area
(you aren't seeing things, those are car seats)


I'm pretty sure Gordon Ramsay wouldn't approve


But
if you're ever there....get the Lancaster Dog
its
a hot dog with bacon
lettuce, tomato and mayo
on
a house baked soft roll
with a Diet Coke
(shush--I'm trying to balance here)
OH
be sure to tip your server
well
apparently, she has a bicycle to buy


Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Baggage Claim


I had coffee with a friend the other day
and she whipped out her iPad
and was showing me how cool it was
I have to say
it IS very cool
I don't have a lot of uses for it right now
since
I have my beloved Kindle
and a (pink)Blackberry
but
I can see why people love their ipads
Then she surprised me
and asked
''So tell me...what have you coveted for the past 10 years?''
After only a few seconds hesitation
I had to answer honestly
''I've always wanted a vintage distressed leather bag''
(exactly like the one above)
because for some reason
even though I've always wanted one
I've never found what I wanted
when I wanted it
(they are super hard to find...figures, doesn't it?)
To me
this bag just seems
like something that would
be useful
get better with age
always a classic
and
looks very Indiana Jones-y
practically bursting with adventure
(hmmmm....sounds kind of like me)
and
doesn't that just sound
like something
you'd want to carry around
close to
you
?



Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Balancing Act


Life is really a high wire act
it's all about
balance
courage
confidence
opportunity
trust
one misstep, however small
leaves you plunging downward
and
while you're tumbling
head over heels
all you can do is hope
you've set up enough
netting
to ensure the fall doesn't hurt
too badly




Monday, September 6, 2010

Homesick


I think I have finally diagnosed this feeling I've had for the past few months.

I'm homesick.

Oh, I've squelched it hard for the past 11 years since we moved here. I can find good stuff while living in Oregon. It's beautiful, clean and the people are friendly. The summers can't be beat. It's safe. It's solid. It's...boring.

Maybe I'm still longing for the way things were when we lived in Nevada. Our beautiful home on 55 acres. Great friends. A normal 8-5 work schedule for Wes. Snow skiing every Wednesday with the kids. Valet parking. Taking the boat out with a bunch of random kids and tubes. Fishing. Popping in to see a stage show whenever we wanted. Dressing up. Lavish cocktail parties. Big blue sky and even bigger weather patterns. Snow. A 24 hour town where you could do everything or nothing at 3am

Actually, in writing this I realize I'm not homesick.
I'm home sick
There is a difference
A big one
I miss having my kids at home
I miss being a family of four
I miss the day to day chaos and the closeness we shared
Lazy Sunday mornings in my bed, all four of us
The routines of school, music, homework, dinner
Funny inside jokes
Weekly Family Meetings, where we all had a voice
~sigh~
So in writing this post
I discovered
being home sick
means
your heart wishes for the past
and the rest
is just
geography

Sunday, September 5, 2010

In the Bleachers


A few days ago, I was at a festival with my friend, Angie
(a fellow hygienist, I may add)

We were walking around, sampling everything from watermelons to peanut brittle to aged balsamic vinegar
We did fun crafty things, had our rings cleaned and our hands exfoliated, heard some music and saw some outfits we tried not to stare at

But despite all the fun we had
the one thing that sticks in my mind was the tooth whitening booth
2 adults (early 20's) in white lab coats stood ready to lighten teeth
They appeared very medical-like
In Oregon
you need a license to bleach teeth
so I wondered what types of products they were using

I headed that way
and
heard Angie half choke under her breath
''OH NOOOO''
So, I was sort of laughing inside when I approached the booth
I very politely asked if they
were hygienists or dentists
and
they said they were college students
I asked about the procedure
They acted like they knew what they were doing
from a mechanical standpoint
I then asked them the strength of their product
and what was in it
They didn't really know, that much was obvious
At that point, the female of the pair got up
from her chair and came over to me
I'm sure she sensed a sale coming on
She told me dentists charged
''at least $400 for this same exact thing''
and
she went on to say she'd heard that the dentist version
''actually takes your enamel off your teeth''

Oh wow....how I wish she hadn't said that

As I struggled to stay neutral and calm
Angie saw the muscle in my jaw twitch
and my right eyebrow raise
It was at that moment
she decided to turn tail and run
She's a self proclaimed coward that way
my friend
Angie

I have to say in my defense....
I never once revealed my profession
I never lost my cool
And I didn't correct their errors
nor tear them to shreds right there in public
I figured they were selling snake oil
and if someone was stupid enough to buy it
I wasn't going to be able to stop them
but
It was pretty damn hard not to say anything
and yes
my jaw still hurts

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Good 'Ol Boys Club


AARRGGHHHH!!!!
I admit I'm completely frustrated
I don't get it
I
have a science degree
ride a big motorcycle
can hold a decent conversation
scuba dive
garner a better wage than most
plus do housework
cook
laundry
shop
mow the lawn
parented 2 kids
who turned into wonderful human beings
so
will someone please tell me
why
as a female
in 2010
I have to work
twice as hard
to
earn half the respect
?




Friday, September 3, 2010

An Affair to Remember


I don't usually pay attention to celebrity gossip
but the latest
media freak out about
May-December couple
Ashton Kutcher(32) and Demi Moore (48)
kind of struck a nerve
After it hit the tabloids that Ashton was ''caught''
snogging someone other than his wife
(in a public place, no less....sheesh)
Demi had the presence of mind
to post bikini shots of herself
on Twitter
(see above)
There's no doubt about it
She is hot
still looks amazing
but
I feel like she completely
missed the point
in her
hour of obvious desperation
Affairs
don't happen because
the other party isn't desirable
they happen
because the grass is greener
on the other side of the fence
because we're bored
because the relationship is broken
because it feeds our ego to be wanted
because monogamy is man-made
because we like the energy of someone different
because we've found a kindred spirit
because because because
we're human




Thursday, September 2, 2010

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Day in the Life of a Food Judge

I thought I'd take you through
some of the ''behind the scenes''
life of a
Food Judge
While it's fun getting paid to eat
let's not forget
it's
also a huge responsibility
and
not everything is tasty and yummy
for instance
I loathe bananas
(even writing that word makes me sick)
and I have to eat
banana bread, banana cake and banana cream pie
a lot
and
trust me
I love cookies
but
after my 145th chocolate chip cookie (no nuts)
I kind of lose the will to live
Especially
when still faced with walls of preserves
....then the cakes....
and the pies.....
breads....
...and cheese
But I admit I really do love my job


Most hotels rooms provided aren't fancy but what they lack in amenities
They make up for in views
(Isn't this pretty?It was right outside my back door)
Note the huge bottle of Purell? They know my judging style. :)
This was the 4-H side of the contests
(and the paperwork involved? see? I wasn't kidding)
I also had the static (open) classes to judge
which are the rest of the entries

Most of the time I have 2 adult assistants
This particular event I have a cute, camera shy
cookie eating
10 year old named Zoey
Who
someday would love to have my job
(so she told me about a gazillion times )
I can't blame her
Is there anything better than wild blackberry jam?
Really?

Judging Day Part 2

Most of the time
there is only one
judge
(me)
Trying to remember
everything
means I take copious notes
and
try to stay super organized
and on top of every category
In some fairs
there is an interview component
where the 4-H kid
has a one-on-one
interview with the judge
and usually is
horribly nervous
In the past
I have had the interviewees
cry, vomit or shake
but
I can usually get them to calm down
by teasing them
about trying to poison the judge (me)
and
making them eat their own food
I've found
if I can get them to smile
and relax
usually
I can turn their fear
into a learning
moment






Pies are my favorite part
Even a bad pie is still pretty darn good

Layer cakes are so vintage, aren't they?

Judging Day Part 3

So many slices...so little time

The creativity is fantastic

More pie
(seems someone squealed that a particular judge loves pie...hmmmm)


All done for the day
12-14 hours is typical
no breaks
it can be grueling
and
Yep
I usually need some
Alka Seltzer
afterwards
!